Have you ever broken up with a friend?

Can we talk about friendships? I recently broke up with a friend and let me tell you; ending a friendship is as difficult as ending any romantic relationship. First there was the “oh” phase. You know the phase where you start to realize that your conversations are not as much fun or as interesting as they used to be. You’re not really interested in what she wants to talk about and vice verse. When you hang out, it’s just not the same. The jokes that you both used to laugh at are only funny to one of you. That old comfort seems to be drifting away; replaced instead by this weird awkwardness.

Next comes the distance phase. Since it’s not as much fun talking to and hanging out with your friend, you may ignore her call when you’re in the middle of laundry instead of talking to her to break the monotony.  You may ask another friend to go to the Inflatable Palace instead of your standard buddy. You used to call your friend just to tell her one silly thing that your kid just did. Now you pick up the phone, but you’re not sure that she will appreciate it like she used to, so you hang up without dialing.

Now some friendships just disintegrate from this point. The distance grows and grows until finally there’s only the memory of the old easiness that used to exist. But in some friendships, friendships like the one I just lost, you’re much too close…lives much too entwined to just let it go. No, in friendships like this one you must address it.

Well, in this case when we addressed it, unlike some conflicts that dissolve into tears, hugs and –  “I’m sorry! No, I’m sorry!”  –  this conversation got deep and heavy.  Two days worth. During the conversation we realized….maybe we should give each other some space. It was like the underlying love was still there, but no…we weren’t imagining it…we really weren’t having fun together anymore.

So….we are broken up now. And I’m sad. Because this was a very special friendship. She really helped me get through an extremely difficult second pregnancy. But we can’t get back together. Because the point of contention still exists and we both maintain our positions.

Breaking up with a friend is hard. Have you ever broken up with a friend?


5 thoughts on “Have you ever broken up with a friend?

  1. Yeah, I’ve broken up with a friend and I still miss her today. It’s been a whole decade since our break-up and I’ve yet to find anyone else who, not only understands me without a word, but is always in the same mood, to do the same thing, the same way. We used to have all kinds of fun – with our kids, without our kids – we just shared the same sense of adventure. *sigh* I evolved on some levels, she stayed the same. Our lifestyles just became incompatible.

    Thanks for creating this post – you’ve lead me to tap into some wild and happy memories. Even when you part, you’ll always carry the positivity your friend has left in your heart.

  2. Yes, that has happened to me, but we didn’t address it (we lived in different states, so it was more difficult) and we just stopped being friends. It’s awkward and sad.

  3. At least you had the conversation I got a letter in the mail with things that were inexplicable and a refusal to talk about it. Years later meetings were arranged and never happened and the last time she reached out to me was a week before I was getting married and moving to Georgia. It is a sad and difficult situation. I think my heart is still broken over it.

  4. Finding you through SiTS for this post was fate. I am currently struggling with this issue right now, but cannot blog about it because my friend might read my blog.

    My husband says I need to meet her for coffee and lay it out on the table, “What have I done?” “Was there something done?” “Are we just at different points right now?” “Can this be healed?”

    I’ve known this friend for close to 15 years – maybe we do just need to break up? I hope not. I hope she acknoledges the problem, and we can work it out.

    Thanks for the post!! Em

  5. Hey fellow SITS Welcome Wagoner! 🙂 Thanks for the note with your blog – loving it here!

    I am facing a friendship break-up right now, and the thing that makes it even more difficult is that this friend has not only been my best friend for over a decade, but she is the godmother of my daughter and the one we put in our will (after talking with her about it obviously) to be our daughter’s guardian if anything ever happened to us. So, doubly complicated and painful.


    Anyhow, that’s kind of a downer thing but I still wanted to say hey and glad to be on the Welcome Wagon with you!

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