Perspectives

Dear Hubby,

You knew how much this trip meant to me.  I’ve expressed to you on many occasions how important it is that I attend my family reunion. How sad I am that we have missed it for the past four years. How much I desperately want to give my kids the same wonderful family reunion memories that I have and how I miss my family.

I know that we can’t afford to make it this year. In January, we thought for sure that we would have an income by now, which is why we planned to go. But as time has marched on, it has become painfully obvious to both of us that the money hasn’t started rolling in yet and as such we clearly cannot plan to take any trips.  I know this. I know this.

But that doesn’t mean that we don’t need to talk about it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to take a minute to state the obvious – we can’t afford it, but also what’s not so obvious – the fact that you are sympathetic to my disappointment. I would have loved for you to say to me, one night after the kids were in bed, “You know honey, it doesn’t look like we’re going to be able to make it to your family reunion this year. I know how much you wanted to attend and I really wish we could make it happen, but I’ll make it up to you, okay? “

Would that have been so hard?

Dear Wifey,

Do you know how much it pains me to see disappoinment in your eyes?  Yes, I knew how much you wanted this trip.The question is, do you know how much I want to give it to you? I love you and I feel that it is my duty as your husband to provide for you and our children; not only provide what you need, but what you deserve.  You are such an awesome mother and wife and you work so hard to take care of all of us. I want nothing more than to spoil you and it breaks my hear that I can’t.  That’s why I didn’t initiate the conversation about what I can’t give you. You know it can’t happen and I know it can’t happen, so why do we have to talk about it? Talking about it just makes me feel worse about the fact that I can’t give it to you.  So I’m sorry that I couldn’t mourn the loss of this trip with you, but that’s not how I’m wired. What I do is stay focused on the goal and work that much harder.

But I do love you. And I am sorry.

The Trip in A Nutshell

I stood by for three flights and finally made it on the fourth one. My consolation? I was in First Class.

I got to the hotel, just in time to shower and dress for the rehearsal dinner, which was wonderful. But after the day I had, what I wanted most was sleep. I was so happy to get in the bed….

Do you see that? That is my bed. MY bed. No fidgety, sprawling babies in it. No preschoolers peeing in it. No snoring hubby in it. MY BED! WoooHoooo!!!!

I must say, my hotel room and my bed were almost the highlight of my trip. Well, yeah, they were the highlight. I mean, the wedding was incredible, but if I had to choose between the wedding festivities and my bed, I would have just looked for the wedding photos on Facebook.

I feel a little bit weird posting pictures of the wedding ceremony on the web for the world to see, but I want to share the experience with you. So I decided to post this one pic which is a bit of a group shot, but I think captures the atmosphere of the entire weekend.

We had a blast.

The trip home was a repeat of the trip there. Stood by for several flights, finally getting on the last flight of the night. My laptop battery was dead and there wasn’t an outlet to be found. I was so bored, I had an idea for a photo collection.

I call it, “Feet in the Airport.”

Finally, I was able to board a flight for home. Again, first class, but at this point, who cares?

I had a great weekend away, back to reality!

Hostage Situation

I wanted to tell you all about the wedding. I wanted to show you the videos that I shot with my new FLIP video camera. I wanted to show you the two best parts of my trip, explain how I finally made it onto the flights and then faced the same nightmare on the way home. I wanted to talk about all the things that have been going on in my life since I came back, but I couldn’t.
Because I was being held hostage.
By a book.
When I start reading, I can’t stop until I finish it. And this was a 700 pager. So every second that I wasn’t cooking, cleaning or otherwise occupied, I was reading.

And I couldn’t blog.

And I couldn’t read your blogs.

But, the good news is that I finished the book last night. And, I’ve been taking notes on the things that I wanted to blog about. The problem is, those notes are like a word or two written on scrap paper all over my house and car. Sooo…..not sure if those posts are actually going to come to fruition. Maybe I can compile them into a random Tuesday post or something.
Anywhoo, I finished the book. So I’ll be back to blogging tonight.
Tomorrow for sure.
Definitely by this weekend.

The Airport – Part I

This is a long rambling account of my adventure on my way to the wedding. I swear my life is a Seinfeld episode!

8:20 am

I’m at the airport. Remember when I told you about my cousin’s wedding? I’m on my way! I couldn’t be more excited….a) I’m going on another getaway sans kiddies b) I’m going to a wedding where I will see lots f family and c) I’m going to a cultural event and will have a host of new experiences. Wooohooo!!!!

I love to travel. It’s a part of my personality; I hate the rote and love adventure. I used to satisfy this part of my personality by traveling when I worked for an airline. I wish I had put my flight benefits to better use at that time (read – traveled internationally), but I was young and at the time it was adventure enough for me to fly up to Boston or Chicago for the day just to have a lobster lunch or deep dish pizza. To be perfectly honest, the only reason I kept that airline job as long as I did was because of the flight benefits. Customer service is difficult anyway, but I believe that customer service agents at the airport have it the worst of all. We used to say people checked their brains when they checked their baggage. Anywhoo, that is another post entirely, so let’s get back on topic.

9:00am

My flight is delayed.

I still have friends that work for airlines and one of them gave me a buddy pass for this trip. I love buddy passes because of the flexibility that they provide, but I don’t like the stress of flying stand-by; especially as a non-employee. When I flew stand-by as an employee, I knew the agents that were working the flight, I felt comfortable that they would do all they could to accommodate me. I also had the ability to sign into a computer and see how things were going for myself. I could watch a flight from a computer and see the entire stand-by list, so I knew if I was going to make it or not. Now, I feel all stressed out and uncomfortable. Should I let the gate agents know I’m here or don’t we do that anymore? Will I make it? How booked is the flight? How many other people are on stand-by? I scout the boarding area trying to guess who else is a non-revenue passenger who may ‘bump’ me.

9:25

I didn’t make it on my flight. *sigh*

There were ten people on the standby list and I was number ten. I already know that the flight that I just missed was my best shot. The other flights were oversold by a few. Hmmmmm.  The Hubs would tell me that life and death is in the power of the tongue and I should think and speak positively.  I’m not being defeatist, I’m just analyzing the facts and thinking about what I’m going to do. The good news is that since the first flight was delayed there is only an hour between its departure and the next one’s departure. More good news: since that flight was delayed, it’s possible that some paying customers who were booked on the later flight got here early enough to get on the first flight. Sooooo, we’ll see.

10:45

Well, I’m sitting at my new gate. Wish me luck! Even though by the time you read this, the ending will have already been determined, I need to feel like somebody is with me on this. Be right back, I’m going to check the standby list.

Great, just great! I just checked the list and my name is not on it! The agent from the previous flight said she had transferred the list! AAAGh!!! Going to talk to the agent now!!!!

11:00

See this is exactly what I’m talking about. Now I know how passengers used to feel!!! The gate agent at the previous flight SPECIFICALLY said, “Those of you on standby, your names have been transferred to the next flight.” I know gate agents HATE to be bothered by non-revenue passengers, so I didn’t bother anyone. Then when I check the stand-by list, my name isn’t there and when I talk to the gate agent, he says the names weren’t transferred! Ugh!!!

You should see the people on stand-by, standing around salivating at the people who are boarding the flight. This is the crucial last ten minutes of stand-by. You have to be ready to dash on to the plane because when a flight is full the agents don’t know who will show up and who won’t until the last minute. Passengers have until ten minutes before departure to arrive. Then at the last minute, the gate agents will put any unclaimed seats back into rotation and you may or may not win the lottery.

11:15

Why in the world are all these people going to this city anyway? It’s just a lame old stinky city. Hmph! *folds arms and pouts* I wouldn’t even be going if it wasn’t for this wedding!

*deep breath in, deep breath out*

Okay, so right now, my biggest hope is that a bunch of people confirmed on this flight got on the other flight and they haven’t cleared their seats yet. Hope with me, hope with me, please…….

11:20

All the standby passengers are eyeing each other….wondering who is going to make it. I see two Indian people getting on. I wonder if they are going to the wedding? Tick, tock, tick, tock……what’s the verdict. Waiting, waiting, waiting…….every second is an eternity. I see two soldiers hoping to get on. There is a woman next to me talking LOUDLY on her cell phone to a family member. Probably her sister, since she referred to ‘mom’ a couple of times. I can’t hear the names that the agents are calling. I’m in an area where there are several gates in close proximity to each other, so there are a LOT of announcements. Boarding Zone 1 to Melbourne, FL. Boarding all rows to New Bern. All standby passengers to Boston have cleared, please approach the gate.  Will they call me? Will I hear? Lady would you SHUT UP?!! She is barefoot and has all these books and papers spread out on the seats around her and a laptop open. She looks like this is her office. I wonder what her deal is? Is she just really early or what? The guy called two more names. One of the soldiers just got on. Will I? Will I? My heart is racing. Will I be able to get my laptop closed in time to make it on the flight?  When they call your name, you have to hustle.

11:25

Two more names called, but only one person came up.

Could I be next?

Oh. *crushed* The agent just said, that’s it.

I didn’t make it again.

So, when are we leaving?

My child has no fear.

Jade helped herself to some children’s Tylenol this week. Somehow she got into the cabinet where I always remember to carefully lock away all dangerous substances opened the bottle I left right out in the open on the bathroom counter (because I was exhausted from being sick and nursing two sick kids for the past ten days….exhale).  She didn’t tell me anything about it. She came downstairs after her nap and I gave her a snack and we played and did all the things we normally do. Then, hours later, when I came upstairs, I saw all of this pink stuff all over the counter. You know how it is, you walk into a room and quickly take in the scene. Then you are horrified as the realization hits you. Yeah, that’s what happened. I was so stunned that I couldn’t speak for a minute. The first thing I was able to croak out was, “Did you put that in your mouth?”  I wasn’t sure if she had just opened the bottle and poured some out or if she had really put some in her body. Silently she nodded her head yes. I freaked out and said, “You know you’re going to have to go to the hospital, right?” I said this because she didn’t seem to understand the gravity of what she had done. I grabbed the phone, called the nurse hotline who told me to call poison control. By the time I found out from poison control that she could have ingested the entire bottle and there would be no need to seek medical attention more than thirty minutes had passed. I was relieved, but had no idea what a proper punishment would be (sidenote – later on, my mom told me that I should have made her take a tablespoon of cod liver oil. That would have been a great punishment!).  So, I told her to that she was going to have quiet mouth for the rest of the evening and that she was going straight to bed after dinner.

After dinner and after her bath I told her she could talk again. Do you know what her first words were after being forced to be silent for45  minutes? After listening to me go on and on about how dangerous it is to take medicine unless mommy or daddy gives it to you? Do you know what the girl said to me?

“When are we going to the hospital?”

What am I going to do with this child?

Random Tuesday Thoughts – You Don’t Have To Go Home…

My dad has been staying with us for nearly a month. He had prostate cancer surgery sometime in mid-April and he was to spend the 7 day recovery period here with us. Well, he had some bumps in the recovery and so he has been with us a little longer than originally planned. Yeah…good times…. So here’s Random Tuesday Thoughts…the Dad edition.

Because Dad is retired and lives alone and is a man and is, well, Dad, he doesn’t bathe or brush his teeth until he’s getting ready to leave the house. There’s a bit of a disconnect and so he hasn’t adjusted his routine now that he is living with us. Now don’t forget that he is sick and so he doesn’t go out everyday and even on the days when he does leave the house, it is typically late in the afternoon. You are gagging right now, aren’t you? I know you are.

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Dad has totally commandeered our television. We have one television in our house. With DVR me and the Hubs make it work. But my dad, who is retired and lives alone and is a man, watches television all day and is accustomed to watching what he wants, when he wants. His routine starts out with cable news upon waking. He flips between CNN, MSNBC and Fox News because he never wants to watch a commercial. He watches cable news all day until 3pm when he watches General Hospital. This man will not miss General Hospital for all the the tea in China! Honestly, it’s ridiculous! In the evening, it’s all about cable news again until the NBA playoffs start. Then it’s playoffs until he falls asleep. Luckily for the Hubs, he’s at work and when he comes home, he actually wants to watch NBA playoffs. The rest of us are just screwed.

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The worst thing might be that my dad treats Jade and O differently. Jade is a precocious four-year-old girl. Dad doesn’t like precocious. O is a cuddly, fun-loving, sixteen month old boy. Dad likes boys. Especially boys that don’t talk back. He talks to O in a nice sweet baby tone. He speaks to Jade gruffly. He made up a nickname for O. Jade asked about her nickname and he told her, ‘you wouldn’t like the name I make up for you.’ She was rude to him one day and after I made her apologize he told her, “I accept your apology, but I typically send a nice check for Christmas for the whole family and this year, I’m going to send a separate check for you.” Jade, being 4, cheered. “Yay, Granddaddy is going to send me my own check.” Dad thought it was hilarious that she misunderstood. Sidenote- I don’t think she knows what a check is.
I HATE this and have spoken to him about it. He acknowledges it, but refuses to do anything to change. Grrrr!

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Nope, the worst thing was that Dad peed on the couch. Seinfeld fans, remember Poppy?

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So who can complete the quote in my title? It’s a well known quote that goes…”You don’t have to go home, but you’ve……” Who can fill in the blank?

Random Tuesday Thoughts

My dishwasher is broken. It doesn’t start when you lock the door and turn the dial to ‘Start’. The engine starts running but no water flows in. You have to keep starting it over and over and over again and then eventually on the millionth try, the water will start. The Hubs refuses to acknowledge that it is broken because eventually it gets the job done. Yesterday I started trying to run the dishwasher at 8:27am and I counted; it took 27 tries over the course of 4 hours to get it to run properly. Ri.dic.u.lous.

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Do you ever listen to imeem? It’s like a free online jukebox. You can make your own playlists and they have all kinds of music. It’s completely free although they do play ads about every four songs or so, which can be a little annoying. The other day I found a kids’ music playlist that included songs from The Backyardigans and other kiddie favorites like ‘Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes’. Well, the kids are happily dancing and playing in the family room while I’m washing dishes. After about four songs this ad plays,

“Check out the new album from Ida Maria featuring the single ‘I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked’ available now on imeem.”

Then there is a long pause and then you hear the opening bars of ‘Old Macdonald’. WTH? What kind of ad is that to play? And of course, there is no way to finesse it. I mean really, what kind of explanation can you come up with to explain that statement? Of course, Jade comes running into the kitchen, “Mom, mom! That lady said I like you better when you’re naked.”  Now what am I supposed to say?

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The season finale of the Real Housewives of New York was kind of anti-climactic, don’t you think? The Real Housewives of New Jersey look really, really scary or is that just me? And Desperate Housewives? Yech! This season has sucked big time. I haven’t even bothered to watch it since Edie got electrocuted.

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Wow!  Swisters!! That’s amazing!

Mother’s Day WIN for The Hubs!

Well, The Hubs hit it out of the park for Mother’s Day. Yes, he did, yes he did! I am so proud of him and hoping that we are now on the path toward excellent holidays. I know I sound like a selfish, shallow woman but hey…having a special days that are well, special, make me feel good. So sue me!

Anyway, The Hubs started out on the right foot by NOT making me breakfast. Breakfast is my favorite meal of the day and I like it done right. So instead of making me breakfast and leaving my kitchen a mess, he took me out to a wonderful restaurant. I love this restaurant because the food is delicious and the price is right. I love that they have organic, free-range eggs and nitrate free Applewood smoked bacon on the menu. I had the French toast with mascarpone cheese and strawberry compote. Delish!!!

At breakfast, The Hubs and the little ones gave me their cards which were adorable. Jade’s was the best and oh-so-true. It had a button that said, “Me!Me!Me! It’s all about Meeeeee!!!!”. Then on the inside of the card it read, “I’ll let you borrow this just for today. Tomorrow, I want it back.” Cute and exactly right!

The Hubs gave me my Mother’s Day present which was the latest thing that I asked for. If you’re confused scan this post to catch up. I was delighted to receive it!

Woohoo! I got a Flip. Yay!! I know, I know, I’m sooo behind the times, but whatever. I’m happy!

The weather was beautiful, so we took a short stroll after breakfast. Then home to put the kiddies down for a nap. I relaxed and blogged while hubby did laundry. Yes, you heard right. I relaxed while The Hubs folded piles and piles and piles of laundry.

After the kids woke up, we went to my MIL’s house for dinner. On a scale from 1-10 my relationship with my inlaws is a 6 and moving (SLOWLY) in a positive direction. In the past, we’ve been as low as a two, so that’s saying something.

Dinner was great, the kids had fun playing with cousins, my MIL packed a huge cooler full of leftovers for us to take home and my kitchen was still clean, so dinner got two thumbs up from me.

To top off everything, later that night my hubby gave me my other gift. Yes, he decided to give me both his original idea and the latest thing that I had asked for. This was great because I love surprises and I had forgotten what I asked for before. Well, I am and always have been an avid reader. There are two series from my childhood that I treasure and hubby got me the complete collection of both the Little House on the Prairie series by Laura Ingalls Wilder and the Roll of Thunder; Hear my Cry series by Mildred D. Taylor. I was ecstatic. Really, it’s the little things. I love these stories and am excited to share them with Jade and O.

Finally, I was in bed by 10:30pm.

Happy Mother’s Day to me!!!!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!!!!

It’s Mother’s Day and you should be doing what you love to do best. But just in case what you love to do best is blog hop, and somehow you found your way here, I wanted to have something special for you.

Today I am remembering all of my mommy friends who have lost a child. Whether you had your baby for a few weeks in utero or for many years on earth, if you have experienced a loss, then this poem (http://www.geocities.com/griefpoetry2/mothersday.html) is for you. I pray that somehow, some way you find a little modicum of peace, if even for just a little while.

I also want to shout-out all of my mommy friends (both bloggy and irl). You all have a very special place in my heart. I haven’t known you the longest, but you are so very special to me!!! I think it’s because we are taking this very singular journey together. There is nothing like motherhood and I’m so glad that you are my companions on this road. I love you!!!

Finally, I’d like to say thank-you to my own mother (who is a complete nut job, btw) who gave me life and raised me to the best of her ability. Mommy, I’m going to try to stop judging you. You were dealt a hand and you made choices. Sometimes you did what you thought was best, sometimes you did what you thought you had to do. Sometimes you did what the hell you wanted to do, but that’s life.  Anywhoo, our experiences make us who we are and if it weren’t for the perfect combination of your skillful parenting and colossal screw-ups, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. And one day my kids will say the same.

Here’s to you Mom!!!

I like it, I really like it!

Nobody paid me in cash or in kind for the following review.

So, I was in Target the other day and I needed some dishwasher detergent. I was just about to pick up Cascade which is what I typically use, but the Chewy mom in me, vaguely remembered hearing something about phosphates or some other chemical in dishwasher detergent…what was it….oh yeah, here it is. So, I kept looking for a more environmentally friendly variety. My eyes happened upon this visually appealing product.

Isn’t it adorable? Because I was at Tar-zhay, my initial thought was that it was some new product in cutesy packaging, but upon further investigation I discovered differently.

instead of the nasty phosphates and bleach that make up conventional dishwasher detergent, smarty dish is made from super effective ingredients so green that one of them won a presidential green chemistry award (yes, that really is an award). the blend of mineral cleaning salts, anti-spotting agents and enzymes give smarty dish its serious kick, while the biodegradable and non-toxic ingredients mean no harmful residues or fumes to worry about in your home…or down the drain.

Cute and healthy! Of course, there was yet one more test that Method had to pass in order to make it into the Gem household. Is it cheap? It was $4.99 for 20 cubes. Compared to the Cascade that I had in my other hand which was $4.29 for 20 cubes. Cheap enough for me!

So, I brought that cute little canister home and gave those eco-friendly cubes a try. Let me tell you ….they worked BETTER than the Cascade. Seriously. Much better. The dishes felt cleaner and had that squeaky clean quality that I had been missing with Cascade. To be fair, I had been using the Cascade powder as opposed to the cube, so I don’t know if that had any effect.

Oh and while we’re on the topic. I had previously tried an eco-friendly brand of dishwashing detergent that was so awful, I didn’t even finish using the entire container. And you know how tight money is around here, so you know that’s saying something. I would empty the dishwasher and have to re-wash half of my silverware and some of the plates as well. Come on, plates are the easiest thing to clean in a dishwasher! And I’m one of those people that rinse the dishes before I put them in the dishwasher!

Then I google’d that particular product and find out that it is a fraud! They label it eco-friendly because it is phosphate free but it still contains chlorine bleach. You mean to tell me that product has bleach in it and it still can’t get dishes clean? Good grief! Don’t bother trying this product. Not calling any names. But not only does it do a crappy job, but I couldn’t even find a good picture of it. Just saying.

In conclusion, go get Method Dishwasher detergent at Target!!! You can thank me later.