Perspectives

Dear Hubby,

You knew how much this trip meant to me.  I’ve expressed to you on many occasions how important it is that I attend my family reunion. How sad I am that we have missed it for the past four years. How much I desperately want to give my kids the same wonderful family reunion memories that I have and how I miss my family.

I know that we can’t afford to make it this year. In January, we thought for sure that we would have an income by now, which is why we planned to go. But as time has marched on, it has become painfully obvious to both of us that the money hasn’t started rolling in yet and as such we clearly cannot plan to take any trips.  I know this. I know this.

But that doesn’t mean that we don’t need to talk about it. That doesn’t mean that I don’t want you to take a minute to state the obvious – we can’t afford it, but also what’s not so obvious – the fact that you are sympathetic to my disappointment. I would have loved for you to say to me, one night after the kids were in bed, “You know honey, it doesn’t look like we’re going to be able to make it to your family reunion this year. I know how much you wanted to attend and I really wish we could make it happen, but I’ll make it up to you, okay? “

Would that have been so hard?

Dear Wifey,

Do you know how much it pains me to see disappoinment in your eyes?  Yes, I knew how much you wanted this trip.The question is, do you know how much I want to give it to you? I love you and I feel that it is my duty as your husband to provide for you and our children; not only provide what you need, but what you deserve.  You are such an awesome mother and wife and you work so hard to take care of all of us. I want nothing more than to spoil you and it breaks my hear that I can’t.  That’s why I didn’t initiate the conversation about what I can’t give you. You know it can’t happen and I know it can’t happen, so why do we have to talk about it? Talking about it just makes me feel worse about the fact that I can’t give it to you.  So I’m sorry that I couldn’t mourn the loss of this trip with you, but that’s not how I’m wired. What I do is stay focused on the goal and work that much harder.

But I do love you. And I am sorry.