I compulsively weigh myself every time I enter the bathroom. I am completely fascinated with my weight fluctuations throughout the day. It started out because my scale was so crazy that it would give you one reading and then turn around and give you a completely different reading if you stepped right back on. So at first I was just double checking. It has developed into an obsession. The sad part is I don’t really do anything about it. I just get on, read the result and go get a biscuit.
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Latest incidence of Foot-In-Mouth Disease? I asked the head children’s librarian, the one I have to work with a lot as a homeschooling mother, if the adorable girl standing next to her was her granddaughter and she replied, “that’s my daughter.”
Why, why, why didn’t I just say daughter? Even though it seemed obvious to me that the woman was in her 50’s, still daughter would have been a compliment if it was her granddaughter. Has anyone invented a vaccination for FIM disease yet, because I sorely need it. I’m still getting over this bungle at the basketball game and this one at the Chinese restaurant. Good grief!!!
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And speaking of the library…..we got some of those sight word books. Evidently, the library hasn’t updated their 
collection because they still have those Dick and Jane books. Let me quote a page from these wonderful learning tools.
Look. Dick is big. Big, big Dick. Look and see big Dick.
And I am supposed to keep a straight face? Seriously, when was this ever a good idea? I mean, I understand that Dick was (is?) a popular nickname, but there are thousands of mainstream phonetically simple male names. Why Dick? I mean, hell, the baby’s name is Sally. Sally is not such an easy word what with the double consonant and soft ‘y’ sound. Why couldn’t they use Dan, Bob, Ted, even Jack? I’m convinced they did this crap on purpose.
Gotta hand it to the books, though. Jade got the hang of it in seconds and her confidence soared! Thanks to Big Dick!
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Alright people….want more RTT? Check out The Un-Mom and Baby Boogers. Now I’m off to revel in your randomness!!
Big Dick would have cracked me up too and I’m always the one giggling inappropriately in these situations. I’ve learned not to assume the parental role anymore since people are popping out kids at all ages! I’ve made that mistake before though, don’t worry…
Comment by Casey — May 5, 2009 @ 11:28 am
I use to be like that with the scale. Then I threw the doggone thing away. It was making me nuts.
Comment by Harriet — May 5, 2009 @ 12:37 pm
Dick always thought he was a bigger deal than he really was. In my opinion Jane was the one who tied their adventures together…
Comment by ck — May 5, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
Big Dick?! We’ve established the maturity level in my neck of the woods. This would’ve been a problem!
Comment by KathyB! — May 5, 2009 @ 3:01 pm
My mom kept my old Dick & Jane type books (which were old back then) and gave them to my daughter a year ago….and she loved to read them! Because I went to a Catholic school from grades 1-4, the books had a Christian bent and that was even better.
Comment by Funkidivagirl — May 5, 2009 @ 3:21 pm
Hehheh. Biiiig, biiiig Dick. Is “Look and see big Dick” even proper grammar? I’ve never understood those books either.
Happy Tuesday!
Comment by Keely — May 5, 2009 @ 3:27 pm
I’ve always wondered about the name “Dick.” I wonder how long that has been a slang term? Because aren’t most “Dicks” really Richards? (Or Todd’s, LOL) If so, why not go by “Rich?”
Comment by Jennifer — May 5, 2009 @ 7:13 pm
You’ve given me an overwhelming desire to go to the library all of the sudden…
Comment by Julie@Momspective — May 6, 2009 @ 12:16 am
hmm… i never remembered the dick and jane books as being so dirty
Comment by jaime — May 6, 2009 @ 12:22 am
Had to laugh at the FIM incident. I go to something called Music Together and did something similar to a woman there who is in her 50’s and has a 3 year old. She was apparently used to it and didn’t take offense (thankfully) and has become an in class friend.
Comment by Heather — May 6, 2009 @ 12:39 am
btw Mr. Linky came back so I linked you up!
Comment by Keely — May 6, 2009 @ 2:31 am
I would not be able to keep a straight face…as I write this my 3yo says “What so funny, mommy?”
I am also a compulsive weigher I can tell you exactly how the weight “falls off” overnight… started when I was preg with #1 I would start weighing myself after each time I peed… it is a little annoying now but I can’t seem to stop. It is weird how different stuff makes you weigh more or less throughout the day.
Comment by Jenn @ The Coupon Coup — May 6, 2009 @ 1:11 pm
Gives a whole new meaning to Jane playing with Dick.
Comment by GreenJello — May 6, 2009 @ 1:25 pm
Wait minute, did they seriously say “Dick is big”? I remember “See Dick run”, but not “Dick is big”. Why on earth aren’t extremist parents with sex hang-ups up in arms and protesting this?
I should think the first time the child comes home from school chanting “Dick is big, look and see big Dick!” that they’d be on the phone so fast.
Comment by Margaret (Nanny Goats) — May 6, 2009 @ 5:07 pm
hehehehe!! Just loved big dick!! (I mean, the story!!!!)
Thanks for visiting my blog!
Comment by Roshni — May 6, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Ah, thanks for the laugh. I can always count on you!
And, I totally do the scale/weigh thing, too! Isn’t it a weird thing to do? I do it just like you – get on and off, sometimes on again…often making me wince at the number…then I go eat something. It does not in any way have the right effect on me.
Comment by CynthiaK — May 7, 2009 @ 2:59 am
I used to do the scale thing – and then I hid it. Honestly, I don’t have a clue where I put it, so at least that stopped the compulsive weighing business. And as for your foot-in-mouth disease, I definitely have a bit of that, but the worst part is once I make a little faux-pas, I try to backpedal and talk my way out of what I just said, and I almost always make things worst. Stopping by from SITS, you were the roll caller in front of me. Happy Thursday!
Comment by Type A Mommy — May 7, 2009 @ 10:30 am
Visiting from SITS! I do the same thing with the scale. Have for years. Loved the Big Dick story. I work in a library and it is definitely time for them to update their books. But, on the other hand, it appears they worked well, so why mess with success. At least, it wasn’t boring for you!
Comment by Pam — May 7, 2009 @ 11:57 am